The thinning of the society

she looked calm as she lay in that covered-up-bed, only revealing her head to us. Her once thick white hair was left with only a few strands on her head, thinning, quick and merciless. I stared at her for quite awhile, thinking that all these must have been a dream, that she would suddenly sit up and give me a hug, speaking in hakka, saying that she misses me alot and that I've grown up to be a big girl. It's been about 6 or 7 years since she came over for a new year visit. 7 years since I last saw her at her 80th birthday. I remember giving her a hug, while taking in a deep breath of her powdery smell. She was all well then. Except for a few complains on her back. I looked at her wrinkled skin that was unusually thin on her forehead, and my cousin pointed out to us that one of the vessels burst - that's why there seem to be a blood clot near her temple. The lipstick that they applied for her wasn't of the colour that she would usually use, it was pink, making her look very proud and arrogant when actually deep down, she's someone fun and loving. I wanted to wipe that lipcolour away and applied a more subtle shade for her. Though old, she still wants to be pretty.

The warm hearted queen has gone - leaving her kingdom in distress. Her eldest son, no where to go except to live with his overbearing sister that he's afraid of. I look at my cousin. Old, too, though slightly slow in his mentality, he gave us a "everything's gone" look and looked away. It was until I sat next to him, then we started talking, which I believed, to be the very first time. He remembers me. He said that I used to be round and fat when I was young, very cute. All I could was just to smile at him, giving him a very sorry look and said "yeah, that was very long ago" The moments of silence were caused by him remembering his mother as he stared at her photo. It was indeed a pretty photo of her, smiling. My heart cringed and I wanted to cry out loud. But I couldn't, I don't know why. She was still alive few hours ago. And she left just like that. Leaving everything behind. All the unity that she has brought into the family are bound to fall apart when she's gone. She was the main reason why everybody is still coming together. Finally, after much tolerance, I took out my Literature notes and started to read.
My female cousin took a piece of my note and read it. "JC? That's very good. Very very good. I always wanted to go JC, but couldn't." I gave her a smile and looked away. You could take my place in JC now if you want. I desperately wanted to tell her the torture of the current education system, but I decided not. I did it once to my sister and it was the end, I cried.

All the 'Good, JC good" speeches from all those relatives that I barely remember made me feel that I should finish this education system up. Everyone's pinning their hopes on me. If I don't do well, I'm not only letting down myself, but also every single one of them.

I took a look at all those strangers that were introduced to me, I barely remember some of them. I barely knew of their existence.

"Tai gu, Biao Jie, Biao ge, Xiao Yi..."

"What's your name?"

"Lynette."

"Huh?"

"Oh, uh, Ling."

I doubt they knew me either.